| Somewhere more than just okay |
[Jun. 2nd, 2009|12:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
All I can say if WTF keeps happening in my life? I must have reaaaaallly bad karma from a past life. Because whenever everything seems okay, or I have a great day, there is always something. ALWAYS. My stress level is through the roof and I can never seem to get ahead. F*** it I guess, all you can do is move on to the next shitty day right? I am just so exhausted and I wish that I had some help to make things be good for once, not just okay all the time.
I am ready to quit the coasting and be able to soar. One day perhaps. |
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| No so long forgotton |
[May. 30th, 2009|10:18 am] |
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So many things are happening so fast. It seems like the only things I can focus on are the ones lingering from the past. I find myself daydreaming about people I haven't seen in fouryears and wondering if I will ever see them again. Looking through old photos with old boyfriends who I havent seen in four years either, but wondering about them nonetheless. All the while, I have a huge workload, school to register for and a relationship that needs some help. Although I have 50 things to do, it makes me smile that I am still the person wh daydreams, even if it is about the past. It has been a long time since I have been able to really relax and let loose, and even if it is only for a few minutes, I feel better. So here's to remembering the good and trying to block out the not so good. To old boyfriends and memories you thought you'd forgotton. |
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| zzzzz |
[Nov. 27th, 2005|03:07 am] |
too tired to think... pillow here i come... |
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| its not your mate' its ma-mate' ;) |
[Nov. 25th, 2005|11:59 pm] |
so yeah today was awful slow to start, but turned out very fun.have been taking care of some friends dogs this wkend, and omg they about gave me a heart attack. i left their kennel door open to let them play for a min, went out to get the cat food and they were gone. so after calling the owner, he tells me that this happens sometime and that people are good about calling. so all day i am worrying that i lost their dogs and how much they are going to hate me when they get home from vaca.in between all the madness, came home for leftovers and my sis and her huscand stopped by. it was nice to see them, never really get to, and when shes around my moms usually pretty nice. talked to tonn and she said i could come over so i wasnt so bored. anyway, on my way to tonneli's house, i stop by to check on them and daisy, their black puppy, runs up to me crying and i about fainted. i was soo happy to see her, and then the other dog max followed. well made sure the kennel was shut and left.went up to tonnelis house, met her fam. and ate leftovers. apparently they have this ukranian contracter who brought them a cooked turkey, so her mom heated it up. it was seriously the best fucking turkey i have ever eaten. so after eating and goofing off tonn finally convinced her mom to let us out of the house. we meandered our way to smyrc and listened to some off-key but enthusiastic songsters at open mic night and talked to friends.then, we jetted over to tea chai te and grabbed some mate' tea(which is my new fave). waited what seemed like forever for cody and his friend, but then sadly by the time they got there we had to leave so tonn could make curfew.i took tonn home, got gas, popped a pill for my mouth, and am now divulging all this fascinating information even tho i know nobody really cares.
ya thats it for now.
peacelove&rocknroll
shaunz
( note to my lovely tonn ) |
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| Tonneli is way cooler than i ever knew ;) |
[Nov. 25th, 2005|11:55 pm] |
Instructions: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your Livejournal along with your seven songs. Then tag several other people to see what they're listening to.
1. Deathcab for Cutie-"Photobooth"
2. John Frusciante-"Wednesday"
3. The Smiths-"How soon is Now"
4. Gavin Degraw-"Anyway"
5. Train-"Drops of Jupiter"
6. Jimi Hendrix-"Castles made of sand"
7. Heart- Magic Man
*i love all music lol |
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| living a life other than my own... |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|11:00 pm] |
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its been so long... all i have left is the anxiety. here i shall lie in waite,forevermore. so close, yet so goddamn faraway. why? why? |
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| life...not too interesting |
[Nov. 21st, 2005|11:45 pm] |
had to get my wisdom teeth out today... not too bad. except they were runnning late and my mom and i had to frickin wait an hr and a half after my sched. appt to start. been laying around dozing in and out all day. doc said it went great, they pretty much just opened my gums and could pull them right out... so i should be back up and around soon. these goddamn percocet are making my stomach hurt tho which i do NOT like at all. followed up on my interview at T-line today, the lady said she still had to talk it over with her main boss, but that later this week almost positive i have the job. yippee! i will be the newest busser in the Cascade Dining room... 6-3 every day, waking up will be a bitch but whatev. Duran and i went and stayed with Cliff wed-fri, pretty cool. he has the most amazing house, i am soo jealous.Duran and i had a really good talk on the way home about life, and us, and what we both need to feel complete. i dont think thats something i can come up with right now tho, life is a journey and how can i fig it all out before i am 20? i have been thinking a lot lately tho, and a lot of what he said makes a lot of sense. there are a lot of things i need to do to be happy with me, and to make him happy, and vice versa.
( guitar nonsense ) |
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| so much fun today |
[Nov. 14th, 2005|07:39 pm] |
so yeah... went dancing with cody jessi and tonneli on sat. it was way fun tonn and i had to walk from backspace to the club in the rain, but it was awesome. i ran into my friend JC who i havent seen in like 3 yrs and he danced with all of us. id never been to escape before but i had a really good time. you guys rock we need to go out again. anyway... i went snowboarding today.=) GORGEOUS DAY!!! i went with duran and his friend brandon. i switch 50/50 a box and a new kind of rail. i tried the ledge box which is long and flat and did fine up till the end. i took a lil spill and slammed my elbow, but it was such an awesome day. i cant wait until i am up there every day and able to ride all the time... well ya thats about it for now.
* except that i have to get my wisdom teeth out next mon. and i AM NOT EXCITED... oh well i guess.bye
-Shauna |
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| a poem i wrote a while back... feedback? |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|10:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | something beautiful- jars of clay | ] |
somewhere far beneath the pain...
gazing into thoughts that only i could know
dreams that only i will recognize
i see that strength comes only...
only through adversity
it seems these days i know it well
so why am i so weak?
moonlight walks
presents nestled away in hiding
the diaries i've long since lost
where is the strength?
nothing comes too easy that i know
please someone tell me...
why it all has to be so hard
somewhere far beneath the pain
the booze the drugs the rebounders
the makeup the smoke the ashes
lies the black hole once a heart
it is gaping waiting wishing wanting
solely to pin me down
throw me back to who i was
gush the tears
the midnight sobbing
a pillowcase my only comfort
the endless days that lapsed
the relapses
i try for good
but whose good?
how many times have i tired
pained over things i dont care about
longed for those who only want my body
those who wont even look me in the eye
the judgments the chains the pain
somewhere far beneath the pain
lies the black hole once a heart
everyone who's ever called me ugly
everyone who's ever made me writhe
everyone in this world who's a fake
it seems i just know how to find them all
let them keep me under spells and hexes
and i have
i continue searching
sitting waiting wishing
but here i am thumb stuck out
letting the world pick me up
drop me off not even to wish me well
when does the cycle ever stop??
someone tell me
somewhere far beneath the pain
lies the disconted situation
the longing the hope
the scared little girl
who's never really grown up
someone tell me my way...
God... show me my way
my plan
my purpose
take this pain...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What I get from my reflection
Isn't what I thought I'd see
Give me reason to believe
Never leave me incomplete
Will you untie this loss of mine
It so easily defines me
Do you see it on my face?
And all I can think about
Is how long
I've been waiting to feel you move me
Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful"-Jars of Clay
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| fuck |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|10:25 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | i suck at life | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the smiths- greatest hits | ] |
i just fucking wrote a journal that fucking meant something, then stupid spellcheck erased it ALL! i fucking hate computers. i hope they all die.
-shaunzie* |
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| bored |
[Nov. 2nd, 2005|09:55 pm] |
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maybe my thoughts are best laid on paper... hmmm. i dunno |
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| survey thingy... |
[Oct. 30th, 2005|08:07 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Oasis- (Whats the story) Morning Glory | ] |
TOP THREE MEMORIES OF SUMMER!
1)Bend… haha it was soo cold that night
2)fishing in rubber rafts in the columbia
3)Long Beach with Duran and Rhys
TOP THREE REGRETS OF SUMMER
1)not being able to move
2)not taking a road trip
3)spending too much time in st helens
TOP THREE PEOPLE OF SUMMER
1)DURAN
2)Rhys
3)Coffee Ice Cream… well with Cody lol
TOP THREE PEOPLE I WISH I HAD SEEN MORE OF
1) LINDA
2) Couve Crew
3) Cody’s crew
TOP THREE QUOTES FROM THE SUMMER
1) “we can make it thru the breakers just watch!”-Duran
2) “you cant catch me I’m the cheddar cheese man.”- me
3) “I have a monster on.”- Rhys (who cast his fishing line into a tree.)lol
TOP THREE THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD DONE THIS SUMMER THAT YOU DIDN'T
1) had more friends
2) gone to the beach more
3) eat healthier
TOP THREE THINGS YOU DID THIS SUMMER THAT YOU DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD
1) getting kicked out for trying to poach bachelors parking lot
2) bought a new piece
3) taking care of 4 kittens
TOP THREE LESSONED LEARNED THIS SUMMER
1) my value is not any less b/c of my lack of friends
2) I need to get to Bend and fast
3) That going to Portland for a movie doesn’t really work if collectively the 4 of you only have 10 bucks
TOP THREE SONGS OF THE SUMMER
1) Guns n Roses- Mr Brownstone
2) Oasis- Supersonic
3) the smiths-( all of their songs)
TOP THREE MOVIES OF THE SUMMER
1) Spun
2)Hide and Seek
3)Fear and Loathing
TOP THREE PLACES YOU VISITED THIS SUMMER
1) BEND
2) ?
3) ?????
TOP THREE MAGICAL MOMENTS OF THE SUMMER
1) Denny’s with Duran
2) the beach
3) ?
TOP THREE PEOPLE YOU RUN INTO THIS SUMMER
1) Beth
2) I usually stay home or not in town
3) m...i dunno
TOP THREE THINGS BOUGHT THIS SUMMER
1) new piece :(
2) my blue light up zippo
3) things to liven up the party lol
TOP THREE FOODS OF THE SUMMER
1) Kool-aid
2) fruit
3) OTTER POPS
TOP THREE THINGS YOU'RE GOING TO MISS ABOUT THE SUMMER
1) dreams of Bend
2) listening to Guns n Roses
3) sleeping late
TOP THREE CRUSHES/RELATIONSHIPS/DATES OF THE SUMMER
1) Duran
2) Cody- totally platonic, but kept me from the insanity of Swy
3) ?(I am friendless) |
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| BORED |
[Oct. 30th, 2005|11:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | discontent | ] |
Ya so for the most part, this weekend has been pretty fun. Went to Hannahs with the gang and stayed up way too late, and then Sat. i went to Erica's and watcehd Unleashed. I still don't have any plans for Halloween tho, which is annoying. To top it off, my boyfriend was supposed to come home today after visiting a friend and decided hes not going to be here until like Tues. Well yippee, hopefully i find something that will keep me entertained, i usually do. Although I am kinda broke, I really need some weed to make it thru today. Ya well Jared said he'd call me later and hopefully b/c i am f*ing bored....ya anyway... this journal sucks but so do i. better go check on the puppy to make sure he's still asleep...
later,
shaunz |
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